Beware the Pure Spirit, Let the Flesh Instruct the Mind

Johnny, I just finished viewing “How To Survive A Plague” the brand new documentary chronicling the work of ACT UP and TAG in the late 80’s and 90’s. I did not make it to the premiere showing in Asheville recently and this movie has been on my “watch” list ever since I learned of it. Watching this documentary  was an emotional rollercoaster. Brilliantly done and visceral. I cried multiple times and was angry just as many instances as well.  You came to mind so many times while I watched this; this was a painful reminder of how much I have missed you. It’s a stark marking of the passage of time, of good and bad memories, love and regret, and the possibilities that could have been had you survived and lived on. But of course that is not what happened. I mourned your loss for a very long time and the seeming unfairness of it all. One of the stars of the documentary remarked tearfully that “we all go off to war and some survive and others don’t. Those who come back often wo...

I teach for many reasons in the College of Public Health. It started out as a way to gain some experience and  to "test the waters", that is, to see if I wanted to use my degree to teach. It was originally tied to my graduate assistantship. It was my 20 hours or required work. Truth be told, I have never just put in 20 hours a week on any of the classes that I've taught. It's like a whole other job, and one that demands considerable time to make it work. I've had great teachers all of my life and I can only hope they know that they could tell that that "I got it." And usually it was because of their commitment and involvement in the subject material and also in the interest that they had for me as a student. You could always tell who wanted to teach and those who "just did their job." It's hard to be excited in learning about a topic when the instructor is operating on "auto pilot." My graduate assistantship ended some time ago, ...

My final entry to my class for the semester... I’m always reading. Whether for class or enjoyment, I bury myself in books. Maybe I don’t lead an interesting life. But I love big books and I cannot lie… Well anyways, I was reading through some HIV related material the other night when I found something that was in its own way related to our class, more specifically to our folks who presented on Santeria last week.  I’m fascinated by this belief system in how Africans who were sold into slavery brought their beliefs with them to the Americas and found a way to incorporate their beliefs alongside the beliefs of their masters / tormenters.  The symbolism changed but it was still very much their own and of their own making. It was something they could hold onto, something from their own heritage. Santeria lives on. I’ve seen some of their altars; specifically I have a good friend who at the time had a beautiful altar in his home.  Offerings of food and liquor, cigars and ca...

My weekly letter to my class. Last night's class was a full one, trying to tackle the topic of Christianity as a faith and health care related topics that HC folks might find useful in dealing with clients. On top of that we had several representatives from the local Seventh Day Adventist congregation here in Johnson City who shared with our class. "So did anyone go out of class last night finding some new found energy to go “vegan” or did you just make your way to the nearest carnivore outlet? I was a mix of the two, finding a spot to have a nice salad, with grilled chicken splayed out atop the salad like the centerfold of a nudie magazine. Adventists always give me room to pause and think about how I eat, what I eat, and ways to better myself because of their influence. If anything, this group helps me to be more mindful of what I am eating. Eating should be more than just shoveling in copious amounts of food; I know that I should be more conscious of what I am puttin...

I had my class do a creative exercise last week, as we had been talking extensively about the Jewish Decalogue, I wanted them to come up with 10 Commandments of their own. They could not do a rehashing of the Jewish law, and it was open to any and all things. Here are some of the better ones that they crafted, and one that I wish I could have shared with the class because I found it extremely funny and naughty: —   Political beliefs shall be kept to thyself (I’m guilty of not doing this, but it has gone crazy lately) —   Your life writes a story. Decide what story you want it to tell. —   Do not go to the grocery store with your huge buggy and spend 15 minutes trying to figure out which can of soup to get while blocking anyone else from passing. —   You must put 5% of every paycheck into a saving account. You can access your savings when you turn 65. —   Don’t be afraid to be who you truly are —   Thou shall not chew with your mouth open ...

The following is my reflective writing to my class for the week: Well there you have it, those identifying as Jehovah Witness do not have a death wish.  They don’t want to be martyrs for their faith. They love life and want to live. Contrary to what many of us might have thought beforehand.  I enjoy hearing from these folks in our class. They come well prepared and you can tell that they want you to have specific information relating to health care practices. Good questions from you as well and I found the answer to my question, that is, do they engage in civic exercises such as voting. Loud and clear you and I heard that they (as a group) do not participate in this “worldly” activity. Their interpretation of their religious text tells them to be separate from the world. It was so nice to hear about life from their perspective. So it goes…the election process is FINALLY over. Can we all just breathe a collective sigh of relief? It’s done and that’s that. I left campus, w...

New River Gorge, Fayetteville, Fayette County, West Virginia    I am rooted here; this is my special place in the world. This is home.

Last night my class and I were fortunate enough to hear from three ladies who practice at Johnson City's own Appalachian Dharma and Meditation Center. Marina Munjal and her guests led my class in a simple meditation centering on the breath and then a lovely conversation for the remainder of the class. Here's what I shared with my class today about our shared experience: "Last night we took a journey down the path of what was for many of you a paradigm shift. It was a brief examination into another worldview, a glimpse into how many people in world perceive things to be. This in turn shapes how they live their lives and how they interact with others. This may present itself in something as simple as the articles of clothing worn for protection (or good luck), choosing to be vegetarian, or even wanting to limit the amount of pain medication for palliative care in order to have a clear and focused mind. Personally, I don’t find these things odd or strange. It sparks so...

Many of you are aware that I have had some ongoing medical issues for some time. I want to thank everyone for their concern and encouragement. I’ll admit to being somewhat of a “baby” in this manner. I’m sure to be adding to the stereotype of men not being able to handle illness without someone around to care for them. What adds to this is that for most of my life, physically I have felt fine and my body adapts to most stressors and I come away better for it. These past months have thrown me, my body has not adjusted and come bouncing back to relative health. This has just been another reminder of wasted youthful days and the impermanence of my body and my time here. Some days have been better than others and I vacillate between openness and disclosure and then at other times shutting down physically and emotionally.  I've not felt well for some time and I have become frustrated with the process of discovering what is going on with my body. To counteract  any rumor...

Nice new crop to choose from. Get'em while they're hot....

These images that I took today remind me that fall is not fall behind. The woods smelled wonderful. I'll confess that the smell of "swamp gas" reminds me of my childhood and this odor was prevalent in the woodland area I walked in this afternoon. Reminds me of the smell of my grandmother's back yard. Lots of good memories of running around in her backyard with my sisters and my cousins; playing hide and seek, climbing the maple and willow trees and that one HUGE oak tree that grew in the very back of their property. I remember it being as large as the huge white oak that is in front the of DP Culp Center on campus....catching fireflies and  kicking over the crawdad mounds in the wettest parts of the yard. Her backyard was swampy most of the time and the ground in certain places was wet to the touch...that slightly rotten, eggy smell. Sounds awful but it is good reminder of my childhood. A very country, earthy smell that I like.

The following came from a recent post to my class. I like to connect with them this way at least once during the week and since I have them do reflective writing each week, I allow myself the opportunity to do the same with them from time to time. I have decided to include “Fagbug: The Documentary” as your first extra credit opportunity for the semester. This documentary is being sponsored by ETSU’s own HEROES organization in hopes of raising awareness about hate crimes and homophobia. It also serves to give a voice to those who might otherwise be silent and to start conversations. For our class purposes, it will give you some introduction to one of our upcoming class topics, serving the LGBT population in regards to health. The film is approximately 80 minutes long and will be shown in the Culp Center Auditorium at 7 pm on September 26 th . The process is simple; you come to the event, you sign in with me, and you watch the film. That’s it! There is so much we could have furthe...

Can I take just a minute and complain?  I need to vent and release for just a moment. I hate this, but my internal and external worlds are having some difficulty. I want a reset button. Really, I want to reset and cope. But right now, at this moment I need to exorcise my thoughts and concerns. I feel guilty already, I KNOW others have it much worse than I, overall life is good. I admire those folks I know who go on day in and day out shouldering their own illnesses and nary a peep out of them. I want to be like them, I admire them, and I love them.  I feel like I'm about to explode. Now that being said, a moment of pure self indulgent whining: I'm tired of this goddamn mystery illness I'm tired of being so exhausted by the time I come home from work that I cannot do anything else but rest I'm tired of having blood taken repeatedly and STILL not having a clue of what's going on other than "we're still looking for a reason for your hemoglobin/blood loss...

Just something I kept track of when I went on my recent trip to WV. The following distances are from my home here in JC: To I26 - 3.2 miles To I81 - 14.8 miles To the Virginia state border - 33.2 miles To Abingdon - 48.7 miles To Chilhowie - 66.0 miles To Wytheville - 105.2 miles To the West Virginia state border - 136.0 miles To Princeton - 144.1 miles To Beckley - 180.4 miles To Oak Hill - 197.5 miles To Fayetteville - 202.4 miles 

I’ve had a major revelation this week. I’ve not felt well for about two months now. Nothing really specific at first, but had been feeling run down and no energy whatsoever. Fatigued is a better word to use here. I’ve been extremely fatigued.  Sleeping a lot and still not feeling rested, and again…no energy.  This has carried on for some time and then after the latter part of May other things started presenting: almost constant dizziness, shortness of breath, and an inability to concentrate. Coupled with the constant fatigue most of this mimicked my symptoms that occurred before I was diagnosed as having type II diabetes. I had had some wild sugar spikes and so I surmised that my diabetes was digging in deeper and was moving to a new level. My fear was that I was on my way to daily insulin shots. I have an irrational fear of needles. I also have memories of my paternal grandfather on daily insulin. Something I was not looking forward to. So, thinking that my blood sugar leve...

Loganberries anyone?  Decay. Small, but not unnoticed.

Look who's back. I don't think these cicada's are part of the huge 17 year cycle ones, but at least on this side of town, I have noticed their distinctive buzz in the treetops for the last several days. I went walking this afternoon over at Winged Deer and look what I found. So many empty carapaces around, especially on the undersides of leaves. I used to love finding these discarded exoskeletons as a kid, and then scaring my sisters with them.  The last 17 year brood explosion was not that long ago. It's a wondrous sight to behold, they were literally everywhere. No avoiding them, my clearest memories was the excitement of the dogs. These pooches were anxious to go outside and crunch crunch crunch. They ate these things like I would eat M&Ms. Lots of wings and legs in their teeth.... and later on... very noticeable in their poop. I wonder what sort of cycle this year's brood is. All this time, they were underground feeding off of tree root sap. They decided at ...