Running on Empty

I’ve had a major revelation this week. I’ve not felt well for about two months now. Nothing really specific at first, but had been feeling run down and no energy whatsoever. Fatigued is a better word to use here. I’ve been extremely fatigued.  Sleeping a lot and still not feeling rested, and again…no energy.  This has carried on for some time and then after the latter part of May other things started presenting: almost constant dizziness, shortness of breath, and an inability to concentrate. Coupled with the constant fatigue most of this mimicked my symptoms that occurred before I was diagnosed as having type II diabetes. I had had some wild sugar spikes and so I surmised that my diabetes was digging in deeper and was moving to a new level. My fear was that I was on my way to daily insulin shots. I have an irrational fear of needles. I also have memories of my paternal grandfather on daily insulin. Something I was not looking forward to. So, thinking that my blood sugar levels were at issue, I tried to increase my physical exercise. I was not benefitting from gym work and the next day I would be nauseous and completely wasted in regards to energy levels. I took it down a notch and only exercised twice a week instead of shooting for the magic number of three. This made no difference and there were times in the gym where I thought I would lose consciousness. There was also the illness; a cold virus type thing I presume, that seemed especially virulent for me. I was sick for weeks and seemed to have trouble bouncing back from it.

By the middle of June it was all I could do to go to work. Constant dizziness, fatigue, heaviness in my legs, and I was making constant mistakes. I could not concentrate. I’m working on my dissertation and would do this after work. I could not stay focused for long periods of time and this important project has suffered. I’d go to work, I stopped exercising altogether, and when I would come home in the evenings, I HAD to lay down and rest. I would nap for about 1-2 hours and then get back up and try and resume my evenings.  Nothing was working, no modification in my diet, additional sleep…. Nothing. I felt sick and nauseous all the time. I was blacking out if I stood up too fast at work, so dizzy at times all you would have had to do is poke me with your finger and I would have keeled over. A simple a task as walking from the Administration building over to the Culp Center left me out of breath and light headed. WTF?

I went home a couple of weeks ago to see my grandmother.  She had had a recent fall in her front yard and I wanted to see her and to check up on her. One of my sisters was also coming in from the Richmond area and the plan was to meet at my youngest sister’s house and have a cook out and visit. It was a nice visit with everyone.  I come from a family of nurses, that is, my great grandmother, grandmother, mother, and both sisters have worked in the nursing profession. On this occasion, both of my sisters and my grandmother all separately remarked to me that I looked pale. Paler than usual that is, I don’t tan and my Irish/German heritage guarantees a pasty white complexion. They did a quick assessment on me; questions, looking at my fingernails and asking me to pull down the corners of my eyelids.  All of them thought I looked anemic.  I told them I would look into it.

I had an appointment with a new doctor last week. I had previously been using the Washington County Health Department for primary care services. I have no complaints to the health department themselves. They do a great job – with what they have. These folks are hard workers, but are underfunded, understaffed, and overworked. I wanted a more comprehensive approach to my health and so at the suggestion of a friend, I called up and was accepted as a patient to a gay friendly doctor whose practice was in Kingsport.

I went and met with him and he did an intake on my last week. I told him about my fatigue issues and about “feeling like something was not ‘right’ with my body” and also the dizziness, shortness of breath, heaviness in the limbs, falling out of bed or while moving around during the day, and my inability to focus and the almost constant “fogginess” I felt I was in. He sent me down the hall to have blood work done and told me he would call me the next day.

He called the next day as promised.  I expected to hear that my blood sugar issues were to blame.  Well, he indicated that we had a reason for all of my symptoms. It wasn’t blood sugar related, he said I was anemic. .. Severely anemic.  My hemoglobin levels registered at 8.3.  For someone my age and such, the level should be 14-15.  Ta Dah! We have an answer.  He wanted to send me to a hospital immediately and have a blood transfusion.  WTF? Why am I anemic? His thoughts were that I was bleeding internally somewhere such as my stomach or intestines. The question now is, where is this taking place and how long as this been going on? There were questions about my bowel movements.  I’m not a regular kind of person even on the best of days, and I’m not one to examine my feces. This is a waste process, not something I give birth to every day or so. I’m not sure what black and tarry might look like. So, I’m no help there. But, where am I bleeding? WHY am I bleeding?

I have hesitated in wanting to go and get a transfusion. I’m almost 50 and have never had surgery of any kind (not counting the rebreaking of my arm to reset it in its proper position as a teenager) and I have NEVER had a blood transfusion. I’ve never given blood (not for lack of want to…. My kind are prohibited from donating blood stemming back to the early days of the HIV epidemic). I’m a public health professional and yet I find a reluctance to take what is essentially another person’s body part and receive it into my own (get your mind out of the gutter there). I KNOW the blood supply is tightly monitored and is safe, I do feel abit squeamish about this process. Is this because of my research and personal interests in HIV/HCV and other STI’s?  I have not had a transfusion yet. I go back to Kingsport to have more blood work done, and then I and my doctor will go from there.  In the meantime, I still feel like shit and all my symptoms remain. I worry about the possibility of a heart attack, which is possible at this time. AND since I’m running on half a tank right now, my body is not getting what it needs…. Oxygen, feeding, and waste removal.  How does this get resolved?  Are there other non-blood product options for me?  I sound like a Jehovah Witness don’t I? Just trying to think through all this. How do we find out what is happening in my body?

My mother did offer one piece of information that I did not have the other day when I went to the doctor. It seems that one of my aunts (mother’s side) had a condition known as pernicious anemia. This condition is characterized by the destruction of parietal cells in the ileum that secrete a protein necessary for the absorption of B-12.  No B-12, no red blood cells. My Aunt Nina had this condition and took  B12 shots for the rest of her life. So perhaps this is my genetic fate as well.  Perhaps it is something else. It’s the unknown which is troublesome for me and makes me uncertain about everything right now.  I should have more answers this week. But for now, I’m going back to bed to rest.