Beware the Pure Spirit, Let the Flesh Instruct the Mind

Can I take just a minute and complain?  I need to vent and release for just a moment. I hate this, but my internal and external worlds are having some difficulty. I want a reset button. Really, I want to reset and cope. But right now, at this moment I need to exorcise my thoughts and concerns. I feel guilty already, I KNOW others have it much worse than I, overall life is good. I admire those folks I know who go on day in and day out shouldering their own illnesses and nary a peep out of them. I want to be like them, I admire them, and I love them.  I feel like I'm about to explode. Now that being said, a moment of pure self indulgent whining: I'm tired of this goddamn mystery illness I'm tired of being so exhausted by the time I come home from work that I cannot do anything else but rest I'm tired of having blood taken repeatedly and STILL not having a clue of what's going on other than "we're still looking for a reason for your hemoglobin/blood loss...

Just something I kept track of when I went on my recent trip to WV. The following distances are from my home here in JC: To I26 - 3.2 miles To I81 - 14.8 miles To the Virginia state border - 33.2 miles To Abingdon - 48.7 miles To Chilhowie - 66.0 miles To Wytheville - 105.2 miles To the West Virginia state border - 136.0 miles To Princeton - 144.1 miles To Beckley - 180.4 miles To Oak Hill - 197.5 miles To Fayetteville - 202.4 miles 

I’ve had a major revelation this week. I’ve not felt well for about two months now. Nothing really specific at first, but had been feeling run down and no energy whatsoever. Fatigued is a better word to use here. I’ve been extremely fatigued.  Sleeping a lot and still not feeling rested, and again…no energy.  This has carried on for some time and then after the latter part of May other things started presenting: almost constant dizziness, shortness of breath, and an inability to concentrate. Coupled with the constant fatigue most of this mimicked my symptoms that occurred before I was diagnosed as having type II diabetes. I had had some wild sugar spikes and so I surmised that my diabetes was digging in deeper and was moving to a new level. My fear was that I was on my way to daily insulin shots. I have an irrational fear of needles. I also have memories of my paternal grandfather on daily insulin. Something I was not looking forward to. So, thinking that my blood sugar leve...

Loganberries anyone?  Decay. Small, but not unnoticed.

Look who's back. I don't think these cicada's are part of the huge 17 year cycle ones, but at least on this side of town, I have noticed their distinctive buzz in the treetops for the last several days. I went walking this afternoon over at Winged Deer and look what I found. So many empty carapaces around, especially on the undersides of leaves. I used to love finding these discarded exoskeletons as a kid, and then scaring my sisters with them.  The last 17 year brood explosion was not that long ago. It's a wondrous sight to behold, they were literally everywhere. No avoiding them, my clearest memories was the excitement of the dogs. These pooches were anxious to go outside and crunch crunch crunch. They ate these things like I would eat M&Ms. Lots of wings and legs in their teeth.... and later on... very noticeable in their poop. I wonder what sort of cycle this year's brood is. All this time, they were underground feeding off of tree root sap. They decided at ...

I'm missing my connection to the earth, living in an apartment does not afford me to indulge in my gardening obsession. However, I do what I can. My porch is overflowing with pots. My voodoo lilies (a wonderful gift from David King) are happy and doing what they do best. Such odd plants, very phallic in nature (how lucky for me eh?) but very delicate and beautiful. I hope these follow suit with ones I had previously, that is, they were prodigious little fuckers... loved to make offset bulbs like crazy.  The Japanese Maple is a seedling I took from Atlanta. Wayne and Steven have two beautiful trees in their backyard and lots of tiny seedlings.  I could not easily find a seedling from the one tree (kind of a lacy leaf pattern), but this one is beautiful as well.  My cacti / euphorbias are happy outside now and the Opuntia varieties are blooming.  Night blooming cereus is still alive and kicking - it continues to send out shoots that will elongate into the flatten...